!HUIXIN

Safe and sound.

2012-02-12T14:37:00.001+08:00

So agitated yesterday, after a good sleep, somehow that agitation has dissipated. Is weight only a number? Because scientists have proved that weight does not indicate your health. You may be fat and healthy at the same time. But still, have to try to lose some weight.

Kinda contradicts with what I ate for lunch just now - macs :/ But that shall only be once a week. ALRIGHT shall stop talking about this.

Just realised I have quite a lot of homework to do :O and I've got to stop procrastinating! Causing me to do a lot of last minute homework and stuffs.

RIP Whitney Housten. So many great legends lost in these recent years.

Self-conscious.

2012-02-12T01:10:00.001+08:00

I am becoming increasingly sensitive to any words related to weight, size or shape. I really didn't mind in the past but now whenever someone mentions something about me, I just feel so damn demoralized. I'm letting this insecurity take over me. Even if people are joking, I feel hurt. Like what happened just now, my brother said something about my weight, I almost flared up. And some of my friends, I know they're just kidding but then repeatedly, over time, I'm damn irritated and demoralized.

Now it's not only about my weight, also my face. In the midst of puberty, and all those pimples are coming out and the scars they leave behind. My eye circles. I can't even bear to look at myself in the mirror sometimes.

It's so hard to lose weight. Eating less, running more. What will actually work?

I feel disgusted with myself.

I'm terribly jealous of people who are able to lose weight easily, and those who don't have such oily skin. You don't know how much I envy you.

幸福的生活。

2012-02-11T20:49:00.001+08:00

出了那么多的问题，我们却不知道怎么解决它们，真是个烦恼。我没有想过这个过程会顺利，但也没有想会变成了那么复杂与辛苦。

Super long choir meeting on Friday about quite a lot of depressing + serious stuff. Made me realised how messed up choir is sometimes, and the good times serve as a cover over all these problems. It's not only affecting our current generation but also our future generations. It's a worrying and disturbing trend that should not be passed down.

Lack of focus, lack of discipline, lack of appreciation. In short, a lack of everything except for ignorance.

Sure, we've mentioned the problems many times but the frustrating thing is coming out with the solutions and applying them. All talk and no action is useless.

I understand the difficulty in executing these plans because of our immaturity and age. We are leaders but do people see us as leaders? Do they respect us? To them probably we're just another person telling them what to do and putting more restrictions on them. And maybe they think they're better than us.

But I hope that one day they can understand that being a leader is seriously not easy. You've got to have that confidence to give instructions, have the guts to tell what's wrong and do the right thing, even when you're the minority. You got to tolerate people who insult you when you're just trying to do your job. We may not be the perfect leaders but we are trying.

Friday's practice clearly showed a lack of respect and focus. I wonder what will it take for them to get it right.

So knocked out by the end of the week, went home and slept for 12 hours straight. It's only February and we're all so sluggish already.

Thanks to choir comm who celebrated my birthday by surprising me, I honestly didn't expect anything from them because my birthday was over :)

Honestly speaking, I think my commitments are killing my social life. Can't go for a lunch with friends because of meetings or duty or stuff.

I think our friendship(s) is/are almost at an end, I don't know what to say anymore.

Have failed 2 tests currently, chem and physics. I shall aim not to fail more than 4 tests in term 1. The rest of the tests are good, either I fail or I ace the test. Well except for Chinese, which I don't really care about.

Shall try not to fail any of my common tests.

什么时候才能有个幸福的生活？

为何?

2012-02-08T22:29:00.000+08:00

Something that has no end is more painful than one with no closure.

With an ending, at least you are convinced that, yes, there is no more. Or yes, you finally know the truth.

Being stuck in uncertainty, leaves your heart feeling heavy and unsure.

So, why let yourself suffer so much when you know there is no conclusion to it?

Create your own ending and stop your suffering.

Late night

2012-02-05T23:42:00.001+08:00

Over here watching my brother play some epic cool game (y)

Thanks to the choir comm for celebrating my birthday, I really didn't expect it :) thanks a lot! <3 will elaborate more some other day, it's pretty late now and I still have to revise my a math :/

Shall sleep late tonight ~_~ cos I slept for almost 12 hours today haha xD

Common tests coming in two weeks!

RIP Dr Toh Chin Chye.

Socially awkward:/

2012-02-03T00:20:00.001+08:00

It's not that I don't want to talk to you or that I want to distance myself from you, but I really don't know what to say. So many people lost, is it worth it?

Exhausting. School, commitments, CCA. Feels like a leash on my throat, strangling me and leaving me breathless. Controlling every aspect of my life, all of my time.

Friends. What happened?

204.
406.

Wonder when we'll really be friends (again).

I guess I tend to scare people off, so socially awkward.

Cycle: repeat.

2012-01-30T00:04:00.001+08:00

It's 12am and officially marks the start of another week. Tests, homework, presentations and CCA. Actually I don't mind cca, I love my cca :) I'm worried about math and physics though. Ms Wong is kinda speeding through differentiation now, and I'm so slow compared to my classmates who seem to get things immediately T_T I need time!
Physics is because I don't understand, and I also need time to read by myself and to understand.

So it all boils down to good time management :/

Woke up at one plus today, cos I slept at about 4am ytd :o did math and a little of physics then spent the rest of the time watching lunchtime w/ Smosh (y)

Dinner was quick and simple, went home and packed some stuff and tried to get more people to go to xinthesis as 204 :) hm actually most of us are going, just that they're going with others.

Maybe being cold and nonchalant about things will make me feel better? So that I don't get (emotionally) involved too much.

About 2 more months to Melizo!

Static.

2012-01-29T03:50:00.001+08:00

A pretty satisfactory day, in terms of my stomach, my sleep and my homework.

Sleep - got about 12 hours of sleep and the weather was so good for sleeping in today. Supposed to go to school early in the morning but meeting was cancelled, such a double-edged sword.

Stomach - had Sakura buffet at SAFRA Tampines for dinner today, to celebrate my ah gong's birthday :) Played pool with Donnell and Lowell though I kinda sucked at it xD

Homework - finished notes for SS and physics, finished MCQ for physics, did Chinese :) All done! It seems less but the notes take up such a long time ~_~ But they serve a greater purpose in the long term so I don't have to do notes in the future :) And I kinda understand physics too!

Overall a nice day today though I should be sleeping right now; 3.22am :O

Tmr finish math and physics homework and revise a math differentiation of trigonometry functions, dang. What a hard chapter :/

Can't wait for limelight + xinthesis + Melizo! These few days are like days where I can relax and go out with friends :) Schedule is really packed, everyday there's something on. Either choir/duty/meeting. I know everyone's going through this right now, jiayous :)

I wish people could be more optimistic, so that their optimism would spread to ours. Instead of complaining and dampening the mood why not smile or try to cheer up. I need to be more optimistic too, and not worry too much over tests and presentations etc.

There must be a reason why you're not replying to my actions. Just that I don't want to ask you, or to interfere too much.

Monday will come soon enough and the mundane routine will start again. I dread Chinese class because: 1) it's kinda boring sometimes, 2) I'm sitting beside two scholars whose Chinese standards are obviously way higher than mine and I hate groupwork with them. It's not that they're not nice, just that their standard is so high that I don't dare to give ideas. I tried once recently and they were like sniggering :/

I'm trying to think of things to blog because my hair is still wet. That's one of the troublesome things of having long hair; takes such a long time to dry. Feeling so sleepy~

Can I reconnect with my current class and my old group of friends? I really hope so.

Losing a loved one is never simple and never easy. I sincerely hope you can get through the grief soon.

Sometimes I feel really worthless, sometimes I feel like I am a significant being. I really don't know what people think of me, whether I'm really their good friend, or just a hi-bye friend or someone they can reply on or someone they can use. Who am I to them? Will their opinions shape who I am/will become after I know what they think of me? I think it does affect me greatly. Maybe I'll even change just to suit them? That's only if I'm really desperate to fit in or something but I doubt that'll happen.

I've decided I won't sacrifice myself to please others since...quite a long time ago? But I've failed a couple of times.

Taylor Swift really puts all her emotions into her singing, which is touching :') There's this video on YouTube which shows her singing Back To December live at a concert and you could see those tears brimming in her eyes as she recalled the break up that she went through and the regrets she had for not getting it right. I could really feel for her and with her because she's so expressive. Alex Goot and Jake Coco are good at it too.

Smosh is awesome~ Though they're kinda sick but they're damn funny xD I like Lunchtime with Smosh and Mailtime with Smosh hehe, their faces are so cute. And Scott from Pentatonix too~ :> So awesome (y) I literally swoon whenever Scott is on the Sing Off advertisement on channel 5 xD

Think my hair is almost dry and it's almost 4! This marks the end of the long random post. Yep shall go sleep zzz.

Darling don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a thousand years; I'll love you for a thousand more.

Awww such a sweet song <3

A thousand miles.

2012-01-26T20:26:00.001+08:00

Because you know I'd walk a thousand miles if I could just see you tonight :)

Aww what a nice song, I'm kind of addicted to it again after hearing Boyce Avenue + Alex Goot's cover of A Thousand Miles by Vanessa Carlton :) The way Alex Goot sings it really makes you feel like he's singing the song to you hehe xD

Feel satisfied with myself today because I have finished revision alr! :) Only have that super tough homework left to do, which I think I will leave a lot of blanks for. I think I will sleep by 10.30 tonight and wake up at 4 :) I had almost 7 hours of sleep yesterday night yet I was falling asleep in class today -_- so weird.

I'm so screwed for chemistry and Chinese test. But I will try to make it up with my e math and a math test coming up tmr and next Monday respectively! Though the Monday test is gonna be hard :/

Hopefully my group will be able to sharpen the dance moves tmr so that Mr Yong does not have to edit it too much.

My circle of friends is shrinking I think. People don't seem willing to hang out with me, or maybe I'm the one who finds it awkward with them. I shall go to the corridor every morning to try to "revive" my friendships again!

I have procrastinated on my story~ Shall probably only start after next Friday after the important a math and physics tests! Anyways it's my personal project so yeah.

Maybe people wonder why I love PE so much xD I like it because it's the only time where I can exercise with my friends while having fun, it's like a 3 in 1! And it's probably the only time in the week where time is specially allocated for exercise. The rest of exercise I do for the rest of the week is walking and running after teachers/people. :) pe is awesome.

OKAY MATH TIME. MATH IS SO SHIOK.

If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass us by?

Happy birthday!

2012-01-25T21:25:00.001+08:00

So yes it's my birthday today, so now I am officially and legally allowed to watch some movies.
A birthday is merely a day, maybe it's special because it's the day I was born onto this earth. A birthday is a day where everyone greets you with a smile and a 'happy birthday' or with presents. But this day should not be defined by how many presents you get/how many people celebrated it for you or wished. It should be spent thinking about how grateful I am for the past __ years of my life and spending the day happily.

And so I did today :) People wished me happy birthday, that was a bonus to me.
Today I understood my math lesson, I'm happy for that.
Today choir was fun, I'm happy for that too.
Today I didn't fall asleep in class despite having a 4 hour sleep :)

And Claire, Xinyi, Joyce and Zaiqin gave me a simple but really significant celebration with their strawberry cheesecake, thank you so much <3 I am so touched by that gesture, even if I don't say it out because I tend to be more shy of saying these kind of things.

Thank you! :)

Zaiqin predicted that I would have three groups of people celebrating my birthday for me; only one did but it doesn't matter, like what I said before.

I spent this day meaningfully and I'm gonna get my sleep soon, which makes me happy :)

Happy birthday to me :o)

A thousand years.

2012-01-22T23:57:00.001+08:00

Just reached home, phew. Had an awesome dinner where I talked a little bit more with my cousins :) Though it's only a little but still it makes a difference. A Thousand Years by Christina Perri is nice~ I'm a bit slow though hahaha xD

I have died everyday waiting for you.

Have this weird urge to do math at this hour and during this festive season.

Told my parents that I wanted to study social sciences and explained what was it to them, though it wasn't such a good explanation xD Nevertheless they didn't seem to object to it :) And I'm going to meridian jc? If I can xD if I get better results I might consider Victoria. If less than that then maybe nanyang/a poly. But let's see my results :)

Happy Chinese New Year everyone! Let's make this year a fulfilling and happy year.

新年快乐，万事如意，事事顺利，全家安平！

Navigating.

2012-01-22T15:03:00.001+08:00

Just finished wrapping presents for Nerissa and Jasper! Hope that they'll like it and that it will fit them. Hm I bought shirts for them; a domo girl shirt for Nerissa and a black and white camera graphic tee for Jasper :) if it's me I will like it hahaha xD

I was just thinking about how the world would be if different sites represented different people. Like for twitter, it'd probably be those hyperactive people who are always up to date. Then for bloggers maybe they'll be the quieter kind, depends on the blogger actually. Then facebook, it's just a mix of people, from perverts to popular people to whatever kind of people you can find in this world. I guess this is just stereotyping which is unfair.

But this is just a random thought.

I'm so impatient for my hair to grow longer so that I can trim the split ends away xO They make my ponytail look like a bush xD

Drifter. This word has been drifting about in my mind. Is it better to be a drifter or to settle down with a group of friends? I guess I'm a drifter. In secondary one I was with Joey, wanqi etc. Then in secondary two I was with peixuan's group. Then secondary three and four with Claire Joyce zaiqin tosy/choir comm.

I mean other than these few people, I don't really have any other close friends. Sure I may have friends but they're just hi-bye friends, or maybe it has even become awkward now. Since this is my last year in school, I also hope to reconcile with people.

But some really 没救了, our friendship has reached the end to the point of no return. Like a car driving off a cliff. But I'm thankful for the memories while they lasted :)

Can't wait for reunion dinner later! Abalone *_* Had my first slice of abalone yesterday during lunch, when my mom put it raw into my noodles, yum. Did you know that the best way to eat abalone is to eat it raw? :)

Can't believe my family is kind of happy now, just about 5 months ago my mom was in a menopausal mood (I guess) and was always throwing tantrums and giving a bad attitude. Grateful for the family I have today :)

Positivity and negativity is so infectious, whether you're happy or not largely depends on the people you hang out with. So must infect people with happiness :)

These few posts have been pretty positive and I think it's due to the festive mood~ When school starts it might be a different story :O

Differentiation time!

Kiss and ride~

I won't give up is such a lovely song~

God knows we're worth it :)

2012-01-22T00:18:00.000+08:00

Yay I have changed my blogskin :) The reason why I did so was because I wanted to be able to go back to my older posts without having to click them one by one in that posting tab. So yup! Syncing all my songs to my phone now, and I want more albums! By anyone like Jason Mraz, Avril Lavigne or you can get me David Choi's latest album at HMV too hehe. STILL doing differentiation, STILL at chapter 12A. I feel lazy to go out tomorrow to get Jasper's present and to get my haircut but these are important and urgent things to do :O

On the bright side, my mom is buying McDonald's breakfast back tomorrow (Y)

Shall finish this chapter and go to sleep.

One achievement today - I am differentiating numbers faster! It might not be as fast as those in my class but still, I have improved :)

Maybe why I haven't been able to bond with my classmates is because of my size? Not feeling inferior again or whatever (-___-) but then really. The next tallest in class is...Regine? I'm guessing she's around 165+/- which is almost 8 cm taller than me. I feel most awkward when we're taking class photos and then all the girls fit nicely together because their height is almost the same then I'm the only one who has to stand with the guys lol. What I'm trying to say is that due to my height, I lack some kind of connection with them?

I don't know if that makes sense, but it's still a possible theory right? :/

Falling asleep *__* MUST FINISH CHAPTER.

6 more questions to go~

Without you.

2012-01-21T22:14:00.001+08:00

The girl who longs for home. That sentence basically sums up the story that I'm planning to write :) I saw something on the internet which kinda inspired me to write a real story, and not a composition. Maybe slightly longer than a composition and definitely not a long story, I can't write long stories yet xO I guess I'll start tomorrow after I'm done practicing my differentiation :)

I have found out what I want to do I think! But it's very vague but at least I know what subjects/courses I can take.

SOCIAL SCIENCES!

It's really what I'm interested in, like the study of human behaviour over the years, or the study of development of countries, or cultures of different people. So yup, at least I have a general idea of what I want to do :)

Went to Compass Point just now for dinner and had steak! Found my new favourite level of cooking for steak - medium rare hehe. I still do not dare to try rare, because that's close to the steak not being cooked xD But medium rare is awesome. Now I think the well done ones are urghhh.

Then had this lion dance performance and I was honestly awed by them because they jumped about on stilts and reminded me of my childhood as I used to watch these performances. And the teamwork that they displayed - superb. Like seriously.

Gotta buy Jasper's present tomorrow~ And cut my fringe, it's too long xO And if people want to buy me presents (hehe) I'm gonna help you out :D

A new schoolbag!
A real uke (the one I have is fake)
Money, haha kidding
Books!
A new pencilcase~
Motivation :)
Chocolate cake from Bengawan Solo (I love that cake)
Teach me how to cook
Support Melizo!!

Yay :)

Okay shall watch incredible tales + do differentiation now.

Take flight.

2012-01-20T21:04:00.001+08:00

Chinese new year celebration in school today! I guess it was an A2 grade celebration haha xD

Partly because the spring it up past was so short, at least for my class. We took only an hour to finish collecting and weighing the newspapers, then went back to class to slack for almost one hour. But then the concert was fun! :)

I think the scholars put in a lot of effort yet people didn't clap for them on purpose, just because they're prejudiced against them.

And we were discussing issues about foreign talents and foreign worker in Mr Pah's car today. Which made me think a bit, because I was sleepy. What's the difference between 'workers' and 'talents'? Is it the different levels of qualifications and education?

Went shopping with a few of the SRR comm members today after school with Mr Pah. Drove to the Courts at Tampines to buy new TVs and a coffee machine. Since no SRR members read my blog except Ching, I can safely put my opinions here without having the fear that someone will take this and somehow use it to suck up.

I really thought that the coffee machine was unnecessary, especially when it's gourmet coffee and most of the students don't know the difference I assume. And if we want to make a profit from the coffee, we have to sell it at a pretty high price. But seeing how Mr Pah was so excited at getting it, decided to keep my mouth shut.

I am frustrated and tired at being the one taking the initiative in certain things. I won't do it anymore unless there is an urgent need.

Shopped and ate with ching at hougang mall today, looked for kpop stuff to liven up the room! Suddenly had this desire to really make the room a happening place, I could visualise it in my head. Even though I might not be the best chairman, even though I might not know how to operate some of the machines, I'm still trying my best :) so don't you think you're the biggest and try to trample all over me.

Gotta practice my differentiation, ms Wong said that I'm unstable :( tmr shall be a math and physics day!!

Can't wait for reunion dinner + new year food. New found love for abalone xD and prawns and soup! Though I'm gonna become even fatter after this, haven't lost those fats and weight from the Taiwan trip T_T please let me have motivation to lose weight! And esp when my metabolism is so slow.

Eating cereal then calling grandma then brushing teeth then attempt to wake up early tmr.

ATTEMPT.

Should I wear the skirt or shorts for new year? I like em both.

It's possible to be friends, it's possible to be more than that, it's possible to be none of that. -(from somewhere that I forgot)

Guzheng people were pro! XD

Pretending.

2012-01-19T20:59:00.000+08:00

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up.

Today was a pretty good day I guess :)
Did some class decoration and interacted with the rest of my classmates a little more than usual. I really want to become good friends with the rest or most of my current classmates but it seems too hard xO It's either I'm not putting in effort/they're not willing to become my friend/both.

I have about 9 more months, so yeah I will try to make the best of it.

Maybe we're both trying to pretend that we don't care, cheh.

I'll be the only one wearing house tee in my class tomorrow haha, long story.

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
-I Won't Give Up, Jason Mraz

Erratic.

2012-01-18T22:17:00.000+08:00

Today is a shiok day because I got to run like mad for PE while playing Captain's Ball. Best game I ever had in a long while, even though my team lost. I think it was because I was happy with my performance. I was running around, jumping, trying to catch balls even if I couldn't. Because I felt like I had given it my all :)

Choir dance was okay though we kinda screwed up at the last dance. I'm not gonna mull over it, no use anyways. Just need to move on and keep improving.

Yes I'm gonna fail my first test of the year - chemistry.

Shall sleep now :) and wake up earlier to do math yay

2012-01-14T23:02:00.001+08:00

There are so many people whom I yearn to hold a normal conversation with, but can't, due to some past misunderstandings/awkwardness/unsolved problems.

I miss talking to them or maybe even only smsing them because it made my day to have another friend to talk to. And sometimes we really had great conversations too :)

Bittersweet? Haha xD

I wish they could be my friends again but nah, none of us are taking the initiative to take the first step. Maybe if I did, it would turn more awkward?

But if you never try you'll never know, just that I'm afraid of what will happen if I do things, like how I am afraid of people's opinions of me and my actions.

Overly self-conscious, leads to my lack of confidence.

From now on with the encouragement of my friends I will try to say that "I can" instead of "I can't" :)

New year shopping.

2012-01-14T20:51:00.001+08:00

Helloooo I'm back from tiring new year shopping xO 大姐 and I spent almost $200 dollars buying our clothes and stuff. Lemme list out what we bought:

My sister: A chiffon dress and shoes from random shops in far east plaza, earrings from forever 21, lip gloss and another chiffon shirt.

Me: Shirt from Forever 21, denim shorts from Cotton On, shoes from some random shop in Far East Plaza and a skirt from some random shop in Bedok.

Yeah haha I know some people, if not all people are going to get shocked at me buying a skirt. Usually I won't wear it I guess, it's just for concerts and stuff. I used to get frustrated at what to wear for these kind of "formalwear" things cos I only had jeans which are counted semi-formal? Haha so yes I hope this skirt will save me emotional distress.

Wearing it is another matter, let's see if I have the courage to wear it in front of my family first, then my friends and stuff.

Alrights, I have to try to ace my chemistry test next. By ace I mean at least an a2 :) try to la.

Playing frisbee with Joyce next Tues :) eggcited!

You know that phrase "hiding tears behind my laughter"? People always post that online but never say it out in real life. Last week was the first time I heard someone saying it out, and I felt so shocked somehow, even though I've heard/seen these kinds of things a million times online.

How should I say it? It's pretty daunting and suddenly so real to me that this can actually happen to someone whom you least expect it from.

So yeah, look around you, notice problems with your friends/family and help them to solve their problems.

When you say nothing at all.

2012-01-13T22:13:00.001+08:00

When a person is silent or not saying anything, he/she has the most to say I believe.

Had a friendly trash out session today? And I admitted to some of my choir committee members that I am really really afraid of what people think and their opinions, too self-conscious. I told Khasim that I was afraid that people would laugh at me for being the vice-captain of Scorpion house.

Because I don't look like it right? I saw their reactions today, how their responses were when they knew I was one of the vice-captains. I totally wanted to pass on the post to someone else. But then Khasim said just be yourself, I will try.

After the session, they all said I was dormant and should take more initiative and step up and be more stern. Yeah I somehow agree but doing things like scoldings and punishments are always difficult for me. Wonder how those uniformed groups do it.

Caroline came back today. It was awkward, like we were strangers.

I really love my choir committee, we've been through a lot together. Maybe people will say we're not working together well enough but I still love them all the same :)

We're all in this together :)

Sidetracking, I kind of envy one of my friends for a particular reason. I guess it would be awesome to get what she has.

Going shopping tomorrow and not really looking forward to it/dreading it. Neutrality.

Oh stop pretending and do what you really want. Stop hiding behind those windows, people and shadows.

My bed is so damn awesome (y)

Strangers again.

2012-01-12T22:06:00.001+08:00

I realised that many people might feel the same way as me, just that we express it in different ways.

It's the same old story - good friends before, strangers after.

Scott Hoying~ :)

Had an awesome sleep today hehe, feel so shuang!

I have not lost any weight in the first two weeks of school T_T why! No use lamenting right? I wish I could find people to play sports with me, I am getting annoyed of jogging though it's nice at times, because it is boring :'(

Shall watch pentatonix on tv now :)

Fears.

2012-01-11T20:17:00.001+08:00

The fear of trying is greater than the fear of failure.

Passed my first A Math test of the year, got good marks for English. Now for geography.

Sometimes I just feel like being alone. Because I'm literally tired. Because I'm tired of talking to people. Because I'm tired of life at that very moment, so I need some time to rest and think.

I'm wondering if all of this is a facade or is it reality.

"blind faith", two words that I always like to use in my compositions. I think I screwed my English test today though.

Felt a little pissed off today lol, or should I say annoyed? Being shot down endlessly w/o reasons.

I can't wait for Friday, end of the week :) I should probably mug on Friday night if I'm not too tired.

Almost cried while watching a video at school, what the guy was saying was so damn relatable.

"when you fall, sometimes you think you don't have the strength to get up anymore and you just lie down there. But what do you get from lying there? Nothing. So you get up and keep trying."

Lion's pride.

2012-01-10T21:01:00.000+08:00

Hi this will be a short post because I'm feeling tired even though I slept 12 hours the day before and I still have a lot of homework, especially math, to do :( Luckily I don't have anymore "important" tests other than English composition test, which I might already have some ideas for :)

Loyalty. I guess I have to brainstorm, or dream of a story line and fitting descriptions for that. Well since it's a diagnostic test, I could risk putting in new ideas that I have.

Today I had quite a lot of people coming to my house, namely Khasim, Lewis, Xinyi, Daniel and Kok Yuan. Actually Claire's group was supposed to come but they were too busy. What an epic and fun day (y) and I learnt how to make tiramisu today thanks to Xinyi :) Making and preparing food is quite fun, maybe I should pursue this hobby in the holidays to relieve stress.

Completed all the choreography for Anastasia, but only rehearsed through one :O Meeting so early in the morning tomorrow to try the second song. Hopefully our whole group will be able to remember and learn the dance quickly, or else we'll face the wrath of Mr Yong :/

It is now 8.57pm, starting work at 9pm.

I'm pretty nervous about my post in my House committee, don't know if I can do what's expected of me, don't know if I will have the courage to step out of my comfort zone and do my best for my House. There are only around 2 more weeks to the House meeting :O I guess having a committee almost full of SLs will help to boost my confidence.

8.59pm, one more minute to blog.

Speechless at the last minute... :/

9pm! Off to do my homework.

Some people think the physical things define what's within.

I won't give up.

2012-01-09T21:25:00.000+08:00

"I won't give up," says Jason Mraz in his new song. While he's referring to love, I'm referring to other things, like 1) my studies 2) myself 3) my other commitments like choir and now my house.

I'm the vice-captain of my house, which is weird because I wasn't really involved in my house stuff and yeah because of my insecurities. And I need to ruuuuuun, most probably, because I'm the vice-captain then I have to 以身作则 and be a good example to the rest. But I run so slowly xO Damnnnn. But also, this is my last year in Xinmin and I guess what Mr Tay said was true. If you want to do something, this is the year to do it. It's my last year in Xinmin and if I don't do it now, when? And Mr Tan said "I don't care about the results, I just want to nurture a fighting spirit." So I guess I have to have that fighting spirit in order in inspire people who are feeling the same way as me to join the races, especially the girls.

Tough job ahead, actually this house thing is quite slack, since it only happens once a year, and it adds to my leadership points so yeah, beneficial to myself though it might sound a little selfish. But it feels good to know that Mr Tan had actually noticed me for being a good coordinator and had looked out for me as that tall girl with short hair.

Well, I don't have short hair anymore xD Hehe today's tests were okay I think. I think I can pass both of them, more so for maths because I really studied for math, though not really hard because it was only one chapter :) Physics maybe I will just pass but I am okay.

After today's release of the O Level results, I felt inspired by the success of the seniors. It's easy to set targets but hard to achieve them without hard work and perseverance, however cliche this might sound. So I have set (quite) high targets for myself, starting from MYEs, to prelims to O Levels:

MYES
English - A1
HCL - B4
E Math - B4
A Math - C5
E His/SS - A1
Geography - A1
Chemistry - B3
Physics - C5

L1R5: 12

Prelims
English - A1
HCL - B3
E Math - A1
A Math - A2
E His/SS - A1
Geography - A1
Chemistry - A2
Physics - B4

L1R5: 8

English - A1
HCL - B3
E Math - A1
A Math - A2
E His/SS - A1
Geography - A1
Chemistry - A1
Physics - A2

L1R5: 7 or 6 (if counting Chinese in)

SO YEAH JIAYOU! :D Somehow I believe I can do it :)
Certainly I don't want to be the ones crying on results day, I want to feel the same jubilation I felt today :)

Tomorrow is day off yay :) So obviously from my happy post, I've gotten good results for my Chinese, A1 hehe :) And a distinction for my oral which is so damn surprising :O considering that I screwed my oral up.

So yes, many people are coming to my house tomorrow, yay fun (Y)
But have to wake up earlier to study tomorrow T_T

The next year it shall be us celebrating.

If I ain't got you.

2012-01-08T02:43:00.001+08:00

I don't like twitter as much as I like blogging. Twitter limits the amount of words you can type and might even ban you when you tweet too much. I don't like splitting information into bits and pieces where it might get lost, and I definitely do not like being limited for my words, for what I would like to say. So twitter is just a form of entertainment for me while blogging is more of a stress reliever, a way to get my thoughts out, even if not all.

So today I woke up in a bad mood, shall not say why and remained like that till about 4 in the afternoon. In that period of time I was trying to revise for my physics test and frankly I think nothing much went in. A few minutes after I read the textbook and memorized it, I forgot what I had studied.

I was feeling so angry, disappointed, sad, frustrated. This weird cocktail of emotions left me feeling grumpy, like I had eaten some bad mood potion. About many stuffs really which I won't say here, too public xO

But after 4 or 5 I went out and started feeling better. Maybe it's that feeling of freedom without anything to hold you down that made me feel better. Went for dinner and walked around quite a lot. Bought new school shoes just because our shoes must now be pure white :/

At my ah ma's house I always feel strangely especially motivated to do homework/study for tests/whatever I need to do. So I have almost completed my revision for math which is quite a miracle considering that I didn't understand the topic before. And I will try to believe that I can pass physics regardless of my last minute studying.

My ah ma has been asking me to buy a dress for new year but it is kinda a waste of money because I'll probably not wear it after the new year. I feel so lazy to buy clothes I feel like just wearing my old ones. The thought of looking for clothes gives me a slight feeling of annoyance and despair haha xD

Results on Monday. Man, it's just one subject and I'm nervous, what about next January? :O

Let's hope I can pass my first a math test of the year, that would be an awesome way to start my academic year :)

David Choi replied to my formspring question :) yay!

I'm gonna be busy with Melizo, SRR, studies. Melizo is gonna be a heavy burden but if we pull it off with a bang, it'll be damn awesome for us as well as the choir.

Some people want it all, but I don't need nothing at all. Everything means nothing, if I ain't got you.

Alicia Keys :)

Oh yeah. Alrights gotta sleep and wake up to an awesome day of math and physics.

Tough job.

2012-01-07T14:42:00.001+08:00

I have to be more hard-hearted I guess, if there is such a word. My studies do come first and I don't want to be a failure anymore, I want to be able to taste success in my studies. I think I have given a lot already compared to some people. Certainly some people have given more than me yet they are still able to excel in their studies. They have good time management and the brains to do that. While I don't have both yet I'm trying to achieve the same results as them. What a tough job :/ which can only be gotten through hard work. I have to stop wasting my time on unnecessary things and people whom don't appreciate what I do.

Escape from reality.

2012-01-07T14:00:00.001+08:00

Le sigh. First week has been fun but tiring and there are 3 tests next week. Two of my weakest subjects on the same day, and they're new chapters which I'm not very sure about :(

Yesterday I felt so sad and tired that I slept at 10 and woke up at almost 1 today. I (think) I annoyed my friends, had a misunderstanding with my sister, and a bad ending to a conversation. So frustrated, that I just decided to escape from it all, though only temporarily.

Physics and a maths. Thermal physics and equation of circles. What happened to my aims?

You can also plan things. Planning is the easy part, executing it is the hard part.

Aw :)

2012-01-02T21:14:00.001+08:00

How many more?

2012-01-02T00:15:00.001+08:00

Happy birthday Ah Ma! <3 Although I'm too shy to say it to you in real life but I love you so very much and you're probably my biggest motivator and supporter and back up. Since you are 3/4 of a century old, I figured I should probably celebrate this special year. But first let me start off with something that you said to me. 你觉得我还可以过几个生日？That kinda broke my heart a little bit because I know the number of birthdays we can celebrate together is dwindling and I'll try to make the best of the remaining years we have together. Thank you for always helping me when I'm down or when facing problems with school or family. When I got back my results for the EOYs, I was so bitterly crushed and the last person I wanted to tell was you. The reason why I felt so defeated was because of my fear of disappointing you after you had done so much for me. So in this new year I will try my best to improve and make you proud and not worry so much. Happy birthday :)

I'm so damn fat now after my trip to Taiwan. Not surprising though, since I had 6 or 7 course meals everyday and drinking milk tea everyday xD But I feel so self conscious now, especially since I know that weight will be taken on the first PE lesson :O Damn xO Nevermind, hopefully the stress of school + constant PE and exercise will make me slim down xD

Tomorrow will be the last day of the holidays! Gotta pack my bag and my books and files at home. A possible physics test? Oh gosh.

8 more days to the release of the O level results :O My Chinese results T_T I have very little optimism for it.

My face is going through super puberty, pimples everywhere :(

Let's hope some last minute exercise will help a bit xD

I feel so sian, don't feel like going shopping for new year clothes because of the same old problems which are probably worsened now.

This is the age when all the girls around me are getting into make up, doing their nails and styling their hair. I'm really not like them, I have no interest in nails lol. Should I be pressurized into acting like that? Probably not. Since it'll only be a facade :/ Though I feel a little awkward.

Pictures stay, memories fade.

Family photo!

2011-12-31T20:31:00.001+08:00

This is damn nice (y)

When you believe!

2011-12-31T20:03:00.001+08:00

I shouldn't be so ungrateful to those who are really there for me when I need them and always give me valuable moral support when I start to feel inferior again. But to those whom I thought were my friends, maybe it isn't worth it to treat them so well anymore? Though it's good to be nice to everyone but then it just feels like I'm being taken for granted.

New Year's eve! Hm kind of looking forward and not looking forward to the next year. Looking forward is because I want to improve myself both in studies and being a leader and a friend to people. Have been making silly mistakes this year. Better not repeat them next year :O Not looking forward is because of the stress of Melizo and O levels.

New Year resolutions! Let's hope I can fulfill them :)

1. To improve in my academics
My goals are already at home so yeah. And not to fail as many A math and physics tests xO

2. To be a better leader
Especially for SRR and choir since it's my last year, do the best that I can!

3. To be more confident of myself

4. To not procrastinate

5. To hone my skills and learn new ones

Yep so basically it's like that :)

Shall send a mass sms earlier so that the lines won't lag like shit.

When you believe somehow you will. You will, when you believe.

Supposed to be happy.

2011-12-27T22:38:00.001+08:00

We're supposed to be happy but why aren't we?

Taiwan trip has ended, school is starting soon.

Let the stress begin.

I'm kinda getting brainwashed by those Aquarian tweets and they are really so true.

I wonder if you really think of me as a friend, or just someone who will help you only when you need help.

If you're thinking that way, or taking me for granted then I don't want to be your "friend" anymore.

You don't understand.

2011-12-17T01:11:00.001+08:00

Le sigh I shall rant since I cannot sleep now. About society's perceptions of what is beautiful and what is not. You are thin and have nice skin, big eyes, noticeable assets, petite. So this means you are beautiful. You are none of this, you are just some ugly creation that's in the wrong world. That is so mean and cruel but true. First impressions do matter a lot, decides what people think of you, whether you get the job or even whether people will talk to you.

I'm fat, I admit it. I'm not one who can find sizes for anything that I like and that's one of the reasons I feel afraid to shop and express how I feel about stuff. A few people around me, they are so unbelievably thin yet they say they are fat. I don't know if they said it on purpose. It's not their fault if it was just a passing remark but still, it makes me feel worse about myself. Criticizing people for being fat is just plain stupid. If you're a thin person, how would you know? How would you know how a fat person feels like? The feeling of seeing something you like, like shorts or something but knowing it will never be available in your size is horrible. While thin people can just buy anything, and they are bound to fit into it or there will be something available for them.

Losing weight isn't easy. It's damn difficult. I've tried jogging but motivation doesn't come by that often. I've tried skipping meals, in the end I just get more hungry. So please, listen to what you're thinking before saying it out because sometimes it can really hurt.

Most of what I'm typing shouldn't make sense to anyone but myself -_- Because this is all so personal. I remember once I was so afraid of shopping that I didn't dare to go to malls or any places that had clothes in it. The fear and shame of knowing that even the biggest sizes will never fit me stopped me from going out.

Now I'm better but those feelings still exist.

Most of my blog posts sound so emo -_- 30 more hours to Taiwan! XD yay.

Oops I did it again.

2011-12-17T00:16:00.001+08:00

Hm, I was kind of jealous that they were able to speak out just like that. I feel so afraid of people's opinions that I always have to suppress myself. Why do you always have to judge me? I'm getting irritated by the way you think; that only your method is correct, only your argument is the best, that your philosophical sense is the strongest. Why not give others a chance to express their views and accept them? I'm going off topic from what I actually wanted to blog :/

The root of my insecurities are probably what people think. If I do this, what would you think of me? If I wear this, would you have a different opinion of me? It's easy to say "Ignore what people say, be yourself" or "We are all imperfect but I embrace my flaws". Really? Do you not spend a even a single minute thinking about your flaws? I don't believe it.

So afraid, so scared of people judging me that I have to hide myself. Not everyone though, I can be myself with some people.

School is probably the place with the most pressure. Whatever you do, people will have something to say about it. With some leadership position/responsibility, the easier it is for people to put blame on you just because "you're in charge". That's not fair.

I'm glad to be going to Taiwan because there, nobody will judge me because they are either strangers or family. I'll be myself there before going back to school, which honestly, I'm not e about.

Finally talked about one of my worries with someone I could trust, someone who's going through the same problem as me. But I'll still dwell on it though.

Because to lose all my senses, that is just so typically me.

What will your future be?

2011-12-16T01:36:00.001+08:00

Can you imagine how your future will be? Will you be doing your dream job? Or on the other hand, be jobless and pathetic. The future is scary yet people are curious and therefore venture into it so quickly. Like for example, teen moms. They want to experience what being a mother feels like, or what making love is, though it sounds so wrong but still. They get this sudden impulse to grow up and do all these stuff and in the end get themselves into a big mess. That's the bad side of venturing into the future so early. The good side however, may be like for those child superstars, they get famous and rich so early. In the end it's all materialistic gains I guess.

For me, I don't know what I will be doing. Will I be a zookeeper or something? Maybe set up my own business but I have no brains for it. I like humanities though. Will I get married or even find a boyfriend? XD It's funny but these are real questions to consider. Life doesn't go the way fairytales do, you grow up, fine prince charming and get your dream job and live happily ever after doing stuff you like and living with the person you love.

Yep life is not all that simple, so I should start thinking about my future now instead of rushing into it and making stupid decisions. Be flexible though, changes are bound to happen.

Burning up.

2011-12-15T19:21:00.001+08:00

Yeah I'm literally burning up :O Having a fever of 38.1 degrees just now, now it has dropped to 37.9 degrees luckily. Why must this happen right before Taiwan T_T I'm afraid I have dengue fever or sometimg because my muscles are aching. But I don't feel cold, weird. Practically slept the whole day away as I wasn't feeling well.

PLEASE LET ME GET WELL SOON!

Addicted to Pentatonix songs, they're on replay everyday xD

I'm confused about some things :/ Can't figure them out, oh well, let things go on their own course.

Oh maaan.

2011-12-14T21:04:00.001+08:00

I pity the fool who falls in love with you, I really do xO

Class chalet was fun! :) don't have to describe it in words, feel so knocked out now zzz. The only troublesome part was carrying the foam box on public transport. I like ferrying zaiqin around because she's so light and easy to control the double bike (y) didn't eat much though, can't expect too much of a barbeque xD

Can't believe I'm going to Taiwan in 3 more days!! :-) yay.

Since you've been gone, I can breathe for the first time. I'm so moving on, yeah yeah. Thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want, since you've been gone.

What a losing game.

2011-12-13T01:03:00.001+08:00

In the dead of the night chatting with Pitbull from Cambodia and working with him to trick Zaiqin that he's in love with her xD WHAT A JOKE.

I think they're way more friendly, sincere and true to their friendships. Which is something really rare nowadays :/ In this competitive society, it's always about being the top, backstabbing and hurting each other to get power.

Why can't we be more like the Cambodians? So self-sacrificial, like Pitbull and putting 100% of his feelings into trying to form a lasting friendship, even when he knows that that friend might turn out to be some douchebag who only sticks around him just to look popular? That's an assumption by the way, but still.

Today started packing for Taiwan trip. And realised 2/3 of my shirts are school shirts -_- I am so loyal man.

Chalet tomorrow! Excited~ Hope it doesn't turn out to be some major emotional disappointment again, which always happens with "big" events.

Your reluctance and ignorance (or maybe I was thinking too much?) left me a little shocked. I assumed too early :( Being positive, maybe you had the same mindset as me, but then, these things don't usually turn out positively.

My earlier experience, hm. Good and bad at the same time. What a time.

The rush is worth the price I pay-

2011-12-12T00:39:00.001+08:00

Love is a losing game. That's a song by Amy Winehouse, and describes exactly what people go through. Everyday I see statuses, blog posts, tweets about love, usually in the sad/negative way. I feel kinda bad for them, that unrequited love is painful for anyone. It does not have to be between a boy and a girl but also between friends. When you think someone is so close to you and one of your better friends, but in cruel reality he or she thinks opposite :( Le sad life.

I just discovered PENTATONIX! They are so damn awesome, especially the lead singer, beat boxer and the bass~ Glad that they won the Sing Off!

Ah ma bought me a yellow long sleeved shirt which I like :) went to her house after almost three weeks of not seeing her and next week I'm going off already so I'll miss another 10 days with her. After that school starts already :( time passes real quickly!

O levels; scared + nervous. Wonder if I will be able to understand physics and be better at a math by prelimp :O

Annoying pimple on my right cheek spoils my recovering face :(

Clothes clothes clothes. Why do we make so much out of a girl wearing a dress. Why do we have to judge people on their appearance. I love fashion but sometimes it gets a little too overwhelming.

Now I'm getting hungry as I'm getting ready to sleep :/

Stuck in reverse.

2011-12-11T16:02:00.001+08:00

Hello relative, it is not up to you to criticise what I do, especially wide it is volunteer work. No offense to your daughter, who is also my cousin, but when she does these things, you brag. When I do it, you are a critic. So yes, keep your opinions to yourself.

I just got visited by my relatives, one of them which I particularly like and another which I dislike. The reasons need not be known :)

Sort of finished my Physics papers (Y) They were a source of major embarrassment just now -_-

Other than that, I have been slacking xD

Can't wait for chalet + Taiwan! I haven't asked my parents whether they allow me to stay overnight, hm.

Slept at 4am yesterday, now I feel like a zombie xO

Wanted to type something but I forgot what -_-

Guess I shall just float around~ And not stick around one place for too long, or else I'll get attached and be heartbroken haha xD

Slowly but surely.

2011-12-09T21:04:00.001+08:00

That has been my motivation to do homework nowadays xD Last time I used to have a huge burst of motivation then finish all my homework at once, occurs more often during schooling days. Since it's the holidays now, naturally I would be more slack xD so I am like taking forever to finish one piece of work, like geography homework. Took me 1 day to finish it :O

At around 5 I went to Hougang Mall to look for my sister to buy her long-due birthday present: 2 pairs of Cotton On shoes! Which I also can wear, so it's like my present too yay :)

Saw a few $1 bracelets which were quite pretty and the profit made from them would go to charity, so I bought 3 :D

Went back to Punggol to cut my fringe, now it looks...okay. Not screwed up but not ideal too xD HAHA.

If you never try, you'll never know just what you're worth.

Thinking about it all day.

2011-12-08T00:43:00.001+08:00

I have been thinking about this line for the whole day:

"Tears stream down on your face, I promise you that I will learn from my mistakes."

As well as:

"Tears stream down on your face, when you lose something you cannot replace."

All from Fix You by Coldplay :)
Both are lines which I can relate to so deeply, so close to my heart. I guess it's a bit too personal to share why they mean so much to me here but for the first one I think I can.

This one is more for the silly mistakes that I commit both in my general life and my academics. When I do something wrong, someone may not necessarily have to cry but worry over me and what I have done. So seeing a person worry over me gives me a huge emotional burden and guilt and therefore "I promise you I will learn from my mistakes." For my studies, naturally I disappointed many people. Not only do THEY worry but I myself too. I cried for 2 or 3 whole nights after the results came back, especially with A Math.

I don't think anyone could understand how crushed/disappointed/bitter I was :/

"When you try your best but you don't succeed."

But now it has become sort of a motivation I guess :)

Thinking of getting a Fred Perry slingbag/backpag :/ Hmm, but do I really need it or do I want it? More of wanting haha xD

Didn't complete what I needed to do today, le sigh.

My eyes are becoming fishballs after eating some Japanese pregnant fish xO

Fix you.

2011-12-07T16:20:00.001+08:00

Tears stream down on your face, I promise you I will learn from my mistakes.

Fix You is such an emotional song T__T

I find no need to blog about Cambodia, because I already wrote about it somewhere else, and I believe the feelings that could've been shared publicly have already been shared during the facilitation sessions :)

Yesterday went to school to do math homework with Ms Wong, Syazwani, Zai Qin and Joyce, I think it was quite effective? If I did it by myself I doubt I would've completed even half of the worksheet xD

So today's aims was to:
1. Finish my geography question
2. Finish ace learning homework
3. Finish physics MCQ
4. Attempt to finish A Math homework
5. Complete 2 or 3 more extra A Math exercises

And so far:

1. Finish my geography question
~~2. Finish ace learning homework~~
~~3. Finish physics MCQ~~
4. Attempt to finish A Math homework
5. Complete 2 or 3 more extra A Math exercises

HAHA FAIL. Procrastination again.

Woke up at 10.15am today, accomplishment! (Y)

Going to school to do math again tomorrow~

When you try your best but you don't succeed :(

Significance.

2011-11-30T00:12:00.001+08:00

Good luck to you.

Singapore seems kind of foreign now, some fast-paced city with hectic lifestyles, compared to Cambodia when everything was in slow motion, peacefully passing by.

I miss the kids and the people there.

Learnt not to doubt my significance, or at least not as much as before.

See you when I see you.

Cambodia!

2011-11-22T18:16:00.001+08:00

Cambodia tomorrow! Nervous and excited at the same time xD
I'll not see my family for 7 days then come back for a 1 day rest, then go off for camp again xO
Busy much.

Bye!

Rumour has it.

2011-11-18T18:51:00.000+08:00

Aching all over, I don't know why, feeling like some old grandma -__-
Today had lunch with Sarah, I miss her a lot!! :) Especially the times in choir and during Bratislava too, those are probably one of the most fun times I had in choir. She is so epic :) Hope that she can get good results and continue studying in Xinmin, then we can graduate together :D

The banner painting was a little fail, because there were too many people and I had nothing to do -__-
Awkward moments were aplenty, lol. I should try to be more friendly and talk to more people! Someone then started on a rant about his dislike for SLs and then someone else realised that I was the only SL there :O

After that the person who was ranting told me, "I like you very much" and even repeated it looooooooooool x) The most epic person -__-

1 more month to Taiwan, and 5 more days to Cambodia!

Have to start planning what to bring/put in my luggage.

I'm not boasting but I really think I have much much more potential, in terms of my academics. Last time I used to ace my tests, then now, I'm like some utter failure -__- Even my brother is better than me, le sigh.

NEVERMIND, shall find some kind of motivation to let me mug.

Bless your soul, you've got your head in the clouds.

Angkor Wat!! :)

2011-11-18T00:38:00.001+08:00

It is like 12.24am now. I want to sleep, yet I can't fall asleep :( I am so bored right now, trying to do things do that I will get tired out xD

Today's meeting was productive I guess? But fun though xD the day before, my whole group plus Peixuan came over to do the Khmer words and it was epic fun, in quite a long time :)

Today finally got to know details about the trip and all. I'm so excited that we get to visit Angkor Wat!!!! I don't know if it is spelled like that hahahaha but still, :) :) :) and to visit all the museums and markets and stuff like that.

Our flight is on Silkair (surprisingly!) and we're staying at some three star hotel, which I guess is counted quite class already xD

Tomorrow lunch with Sarah and the choir family, what a loooong time it has been :) and then back to school to paint the banner for the Cambodia trip. Really afraid that I will become homesick and start crying out of nowhere xD hahahahaha epic.

Gotta start on homework tomorrow and pack my luggage on Saturday~ I hope choir practices will go well when I am not in Singapore.

Hmm I feel bad for treating people badly when they have been so nice to me T_T For thinking badly of them when they haven't even done anything or said anything mean to me. Le sigh, I am a terrible person. Got to change my impulsive thinking of people and stop judging them from rumours :/

Rumour has it~ by Adele!

I hope my hair can grow longer faster! Now it's at an awkward length, as quoted from Peixuan xD #LIKEABUSH

WHEN ARE YOU ALL COMING BACK, I miss the people who are not around now.

Maybe they will miss me more when I'm not here ;D

Silly mistakes.

2011-11-16T00:47:00.001+08:00

Thinking about all the stupid mistakes I had done in the past. Whether it was in my academics or some social problem or family problem or whatever, I guess these mistakes do help us in learning from our regrets and moving on.

One of my greatest regret is not seeing my grandpa one last time before he passed away.

Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made. Oh well.

The Cambodian group people are coming tomorrow to my house~ Wonder if we will be able to complete tasks on time for the trip :/

And Zaiqin got her phone and messaging back, yay :) My life has just become more entertaining.

I should probably start cleaning up my books and files, they're in a mess after the EOYs -__-

Inferiority can only be caused by myself. I used to say, who cares what people think or say? I myself care a lot, other people's opinions do mean a lot to me. Confident much :/

Gotta kick this bad habit. Lol and I'm starting to get annoyed when people say, "Why are you wearing this again?"

Well, I guess I don't have as much freedom and time as you to go out shopping. I don't have enough money to buy new clothes, the only times I get to buy clothes are before CNY and when my ah ma buys them for me.

LOL I sound so bitchy -__- cause I'm really getting irritated.

撒慌.

2011-11-15T16:51:00.002+08:00

I didn't mean to, it was all due to my selfishness and not wanting to feel bad at the end of the day.
And partly because you won't understand, you will judge me, if not in my face then in your heart. I don't want to be judged, especially by you because you don't understand how I feel. I'm not blaming anyone but myself for this because I only want to protect myself.

Le sigh.

Uncomfortable talking about this, more uncomfortable not talking about this, so I have to get this out. I doubt anyone will know what I'm talking about/reading this so yeah.

Exercising is a risky issue because I never know when the rain is going to start pouring on me.

I should seriously find some motivation to get started on my holiday homework and to practice math, chemistry and physics.

Nevermind I'll find someone like you, I wish nothing but the best for you.
Don't forget me, I beg, I remember you said;
Sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead.

Great song by Adele.

One day if you all found out that I lied, it's perfectly reasonable for you to get angry.

Contradictory.

2011-11-14T18:09:00.000+08:00

I feel so damn guilty, to know that I might have contributed to someone else's sadness.

Calculations.

2011-11-14T14:23:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the first time we ate KFC as a whole family, and actually enjoying it, wow.
Perhaps the good times are coming? I should really curb my fondness for sleep and sleeping in late.
It's so distracting.

No money = cannot go out. I'm totally broke now, without any financial aid from my parents/grandparents.

Now I understand how much I'm valued, hm.

Hope the Taiwan people are having fun, makes me excited for my own trip in December :) Starting to get worried for Cambodia, communication problems, whether we can cope with stuffs :O

And holiday homework, and O Levels next year -__-

Fighting spirit!

2011-11-11T21:19:00.000+08:00

I guess everyone is sick and tired of something.
Maybe sick and tired of being made fun of, sick and tired of someone, sick and tired of over-thinking.
Most of the times, these things are very close to the heart and very personal.
Sometimes it's fun to make fun of these things, especially if they are funny. But sometimes we have to stop and know our limits in order to prevent hurt. But we also cannot be too sensitive about these things, most people don't mean any harm; they're just joking around.

Today's comm meeting and dinner was fuuuuuuuuuuun :) :)

I feel lazy to type more -___- Chinese Os was okay, though there's a high chance I'll get B3 and below T__T

Keep the fighting spirit; we are a choir of miracles! :)

You win.

2011-11-06T21:41:00.001+08:00

I hope you all had fun crushing my self-esteem, or whatever that is left of it.

Won't even start.

2011-11-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

My sense of inferiority is kicking in again.
Maybe it's because I'm too sensitive, and you're too talented, that's why I avoid hanging out with you :(

Now it even hurts to see your face.

When will I ever be good in anything?

Bridging has been fun I guess :) At least I understand what is being taught and crazy people like Claire and Tosy and Zai Qin and Joyce make me laugh a lot during lessons xD

I feel sleepy, but there's a lot of Chinese to do. Persevere on! Only 6 more days to my Chinese O Levels, and judging by my scores on the Chinese TYS, I'm gonna get a B4/B3 T___T I DON'T WANT.

So if I ever see you on the streets, I'll pretend that I didn't see and turn my face, no use in small talk anyways. Because when you finally look into my eyes, then I'll have to say goodbye and that'll break my heart so I won't even start.

David Choi~

Teen spirit.

2011-10-30T21:47:00.000+08:00

Facebook shouldn't be a place to rant, or to emo, or to seek attention. It just disgusts me :/ I will resist putting statuses that seem 'emo'. Instead, I should put happy/optimistic statuses that will put a smile on someone else's face when they scroll through the news feed of Facebook :)

Le bridging starts tomorrow, gotta pay attention during class.

The more criticism I receive, the more I will work hard to prove them wrong.

"If I were a boy, I think I could understand how it feels to be a girl, I swear I'd be a better man. I'd listen to her, 'cause I know how it hurts. When you lose the one you wanted, 'cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed."

I choose happiness!

2011-10-29T21:19:00.000+08:00

Those bad days come and go
But it’s ok though
You see, we have a choice
And I’m gonna make the best of it.
-I Choose Happiness, David Choi

Yes, that should be my life motto or something :)
My mom and dad made so many sarcastic comments about my results just now -__- But they are really bad, the results I mean, and I have to work hard. But can't they be just a little bit more encouraging, especially my mom. At least I have 2 A1s -__-

Anyways, slept till 12 today when I wanted to wake up at 9 :O
Learnt 2 new songs on the ukulele! :)

GONNA MAKE THE BEST OF IT.

Gotta fight, no matter how hard it gets.

2011-10-27T20:14:00.000+08:00

Haha found out my positions today, and the numbers are really very big :O

But positions don't matter, what matters is the results at the O Levels. Though it may be true that consistent results may lead me to having good results at the Os, but there are such things called 'miracles' and 'hard work'. And when these two are combined, what a happy ending x)

So I'm not going to lose hope. I'm going to fight no matter how hard it gets. And this isn't only referring to my studies but also to be myself. I must learn how to be more stern, how to stand up to people and decisions which are wrong. I cannot be a pushover anymore!

If I give up the responsibility now, it would be akin to surrendering to him and losing all of the respect people give me. SO! I will not give up, I will try to commit more, even if I have a small amount of interest in it.

There are still the MYEs and Prelims next year, two more chances to prove myself :) I BELIEVE I CAN DO IT. If I have done it before, why not again?

Just a random note, I think dressing up is fun. Using different combinations of clothes to make yourself look better, and feel better is an interesting experience hahaha. IT'S FUN :D I always wonder if I overdress for some occasions, but then, whatever xD

Who moved the cheese? :) That cartoon is funny.

WE GOTTA FIGHT~

Exhilarating run! :)

2011-10-24T18:24:00.000+08:00

Yes so I just came back from my jog, and although I was lazy at the beginning, the thought of losing weight made me run hahaha. I should try different methods of exercising like cycling, swimming, jogging or playing games with friends. Although I should avoid the Anchorville CC swimming pool on Tuesdays because Seetha is having swimming lessons there :O

Trying to avoid that awkward moment when we see each other in swimming suits -__-

That run really sets you free, leaving you to burst out, haha I don't know how to describe it. I forgot to bring my watch today, which is also a good thing because I can run and run without worrying about time chasing me. I also visited the My Waterway @ Punggol :) Really nice place, spent quite a lot of time there.

Now my leg muscles are aching, ow.

Tried the guitar just now, my sister's a liar. IT'S HARD.
So many different chords *__*

Lessons today were boring, tomorrow should be better.

The sky is really pretty today, with the different shades of blue and clouds of different shapes :)

SHALL START STUDYING FOR CHINESE.
I WANT MY DISTINCTION.

Is it possible to get A1s for Chemistry and Physics? :O I wonder how people do it.

Looking forward to suffering in Cambodia (that's what my dad says) and enjoying my trip in Taiwan :)
And I should also look forward to Intensive'11 since it's my last one. The last camp was embarrassing but fun, especially the dance which I think bonded everyone :) AND NOW WE HAVE DRAGON BOATING YAY :)

One of the few posts which I am so enthusiastic and positive about everything haha, rare.
All thanks to the wonderful weather :)

Dark clouds, gloomy days.

2011-10-23T23:26:00.000+08:00

If all my friends left for their other friends, I would be alone.
That's a scary thought that might happen :/

Anyways, the past few days I was in a bad mood, because I managed to convince myself that even though I tried my best, I still cannot get what I want.

Talking about results with my ah ma made me cry, because I knew I had disappointed her.
She's probably one of my biggest motivators and source of encouragement, yet I had not met her expectations. I felt guilty for not doing well for her, and also for myself.

And so was pretty angsty the past few days, thinking about it.

The movie He's Just Not That Into You gave me a bit of an idea for what to do with one of my problems right now :)

Now to focus on Chinese Os, 18 days left.
I should aim for an A1.

No more reaching home and plopping on the bed to sleep till dinner time.
I should make full use of the time I have and be more productive.

Maybe I can't dance, maybe I can't play the piano, but I DO want to do something. Maybe I am not 'talented' now, maybe I do not have anything that I am good at yet, but in time I will be :)

I have started with the ukulele with the aim of learning and playing 5 songs for a start. Then I'll go on to the guitar, which my sister says is almost the same thing.

And I have to get my lazy ass off the bed and start exercising regularly. I wish there was some kind of captain's ball team or something where we can play with each other regularly, haha. Then I would be more motivated to exercise.

Anyways. I should start waking up early to build my immune system for the Cambodia and Taiwan trips. As well as save money for the Europe trip next year if I am going :/ If I am not, then the money can be used to buy things, so yeah :)

I really have to work damn hard this holidays.

No point.

2011-10-21T19:58:00.002+08:00

What is the point of trying my best, when in the end I am still disappointed.

The shame of disappointing myself and others.

Sad day.

2011-10-18T20:26:00.000+08:00

Le sigh.
What can I say? :( I'm guess I'm kind of disappointed in my results, especially for A Maths.
I thought I could at least just pass, that was my expectation.
In the end still failed it, and failed quite badly too.

LE SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.

The rest of my subjects all dropped, ranging from A2s to F9s -__-
Stupid Physics...don't understand anything about light.
My best result is English, and then followed by the humanities.
Math and Science and Chinese are all shit results.

I felt the worst for A Maths, because I REALLY did work very hard for it.

But still, :|

Hard lessons learnt:
1. Don't procrastinate.
2. Better time management.
3. Never leave problems till the last minute.
4. Practice, practice, practice.
5. Pay attention in class.

Now I'm wondering how I'm going to tell my parents and grandparents :(

Accomplishments!

2011-10-16T16:34:00.000+08:00

Okay I haven't really accomplished anything after the examinations, but!

I'm going to make time as fulfilling as possible.
No more feeling inferior because I don't know anything, no more feeling stupid, no more feeling lazy.

Actually wanted to say that these few days have been boring but I have decided to start doing things :)

What I will do before the year ends:

1. Learn to play the ukulele
2. Learn to play the guitar
3. Learn to play the piano
4. Swim and jog more often
5. Make my own anklet (which apparently takes only 1 hour)
6. Stand up to people and not be too nice to them x)

Maybe Monday I will go and buy a uke with my sister and we can both learn how to play it :)
And it's only 10plus for each person (Y)
Shall ask her later, and ask her to teach me the guitar too.

Since I am perfectly healthy, I should not waste my time playing computer games. They are fun but, physical activities are still better.

TUESDAY IS RESULTS DAY *O*

失败是成功之母。

2011-10-13T00:54:00.001+08:00

Exams are oveeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer! :)

Shall ignore the fact that there's Physics SPA tomorrow haha, even though it's kinda important :/ Haven't really studied much, am afraid that I won't have enough time to finish the experiment since the set-up takes a long time :O

I think I am so socially awkward.

If anyone wonders what's the reason why I don't really hang out with you guys anymore, it's not because of you all because all of you are still as crazy, fun-loving and awesome people :) I think it's me who has changed that's why, and I feel like it would be better for everyone if I slowly drift off from you.

Like what I read in an article, "divorcing" a friend/group of friends is a painful and slow process. I do look back to the times where I had so much fun with them and I really treasure those times. It's not like I don't care at all though I look nonchalant about it.

We are still friends, just not as close as before. I don't believe in best friends forever, though best friends are a rare possibility.

I'd be lucky to have one right now.

Now exams are over, the exam problems are gone but I'm thinking about other stuff.

I'm afraid that the people I need most during times of crisis/celebration, won't need me :(

Everyone has their own friends afterall, I cannot expect them to always be with me -__-

Anyways, exams today were okay, I'm prepared to go to Physics mastery yay.

I have received a lot of funny comments about my hair haha, epic (Y)

I hope my hard work for maths and partly for chemistry will pay off! 18 Oct 2011 :)

Was annoyed when I saw people complaining about the PEA -__-

It's not easy to plan it okay, especially in the midst of exams. And there are always changes in the schedule due to the school's planning and coordination between the SL and teachers.
So quit complaining -__-

Buying shoes tomorrow!
Should I get the Xperia Mini or Walkman W8? :/ HMM.

Fight for this love.

2011-10-11T21:42:00.000+08:00

SINGAPORE Y YOU NO SCORE AGAINST JORDON :(

It's the second last day of exams but I'm slacking like it's already over
*celebration*
Still have Physics SPA though, and I have no idea what to do for it :/

I think one more paper I have screwed is the Physics paper today.
Had a really bad flu and was sneezing throughout the exam, the only thing on my mind was sleep,
-__-

Slept for 4 hours when I reached home :)

Today's math paper was really easy, and it's not only me who says so okay!
OH HAPPY DAY.

My papers have either been:
1) screwed
or
2) relatively easy.

I'm afraid that it's me who is too confident, later all the scripts come back fail fail fail
-__-

OH SAD LIFE.

Haha I wish to watch old cartoons after the exams :)

Listening to love songs doesn't mean that I'm in love lol -_-

we gotta fight for this love.
anything that's worth having, sure enough worth fighting for.
:)

RIP Steve Jobs :(

2011-10-08T00:20:00.001+08:00

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life." - Steve Jobs

RIP Steve Jobs and thanks for creating this very device I'm using to type right now :)

Seven hundred! :) That's quite a lot of posts :O

Feeling so sleepy right now, have been surviving on three hours of sleep each night for the exams. So far I think I haven't majorly screwed any of the papers except for A Math paper two :/ I'm afraid that it is just me being overconfident or complacent :(

I don't to get my hopes up too high in case I get shitty results again, like MATH T__T

Running away from the problem doesn't help, sometime you have yo conquer it head on.

I love listening to the radio right now :) can get updated on all the new songs. 98.7, 98.0, 91.3 :D

THE ANSER from X Factor <3
#heartmelts

Kay shall go listen to the radio :)

I wonder what the world would be like, if,

2011-09-27T20:33:00.000+08:00

699! :)

This post will probably be the last post before the EOYs start next week.
My 700th post shall mark the end of the exams :)

I'm really worried for my examinations, especially maths T_T
I don't want to fail it anymore, failed 3/4 consecutive maths tests.
My CA2 marks are 50+, when everyone else's is like 70, or 80 plus.

People keep telling me not to compare with others, I'm trying not too xO
I must finish A Math chapter 4, 5, and 9 today.
Chiong! :)

These days I have been sleeping quite a lot, like 8 hours :O

Cannot panic when I see the math paper, especially when so many people have been encouraging me!
And when Ms Wong has spent extra time to go through math questions with me,
Must have stamina!

Haha, that's what Zaiqin said today. And it's my douchey wife's birthday today xD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOSY :)

Determination will get us through this.

Linkin Park is awesome :)

So, good luck to everyone for the examinations hahahahaha.

:o)

Never confuse education with intelligence.

2011-09-22T21:20:00.001+08:00

Never confuse education with intelligence.
This sentence just made me feel better about myself, about how education is not all about being the first, getting the highest marks, being the best.

It is about being able to understand what you're being taught and being able to apply it in real life. That, is the real point of education, to prepare ourselves for the working future.

Felt so demoralised after the math test today...my confidence in maths is dipping. Now it feels like no matter how hard I try, no matter how much effort I put into preparing for a test, it still equates to nothing.

The test paper in front of me seems to turn into some language that I don't understand, then I panic, everything becomes confusing then.

Joyce said we make mistakes to learn from them.
That means I have made so many mistakes and yet I haven't learned from them.

Claire said better making mistakes now than in the EOYs.
Who knows, I may make even more mistakes in the examinations.

She also said that I must believe in myself.
But where do I get this self-belief from, after seeing all those failed tests? :(

Aye, hope Claire's hand gets well soon, so sad :(

It's kind of pathetic that I wish for what people usually don't want, shall try to get rid of that stupid thinking.

I wish people wouldn't be left out/wish that I can find something to talk to them about so that they feel more involved.

AYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Mr Too and Mrs Peh gave us really cool Post-It notes today :)
I think they are cute teachers. Even though they might pms at times.

Hakuna Matata.

2011-09-21T21:33:00.000+08:00

Hakuna Matata! What a wonderful phrase,
Hakuna Matata! Ain't no passing craze.
It means no worries for the rest of your days.
It's our problem-free philosophy,
Hakuna Matata.

If only life could be as easy and as carefree as those creatures in Lion King have :/

What I heard today probably helped me to reaffirm my thinking of certain things and yes, given me a helping hand in doing things. Who knows, the result may be even better than the process this time.

People can be liars, people can be so selfless, people can be so plain greedy, people can be everything and anything.

Slept a record of 10 hours yesterday (Y) What an awesome sleep, plus it was raining at night :)
Actually wanted to wake up at 3 to study, but then decided to continue sleeping.

My love for sleeping is getting me into trouble :O Keep choosing sleep over homework!

Stayed back to study with people today, so hilarious.

I'm finding that I have become more like me, and less of pretending in front of big groups of people. That's good x)

I like blogging because it's where I can type stuff out and no one will judge me. Makes me feel like someone is listening to me and not making any comment.

1 more week to EOYs, I'm scared :|

Perseverance is key.

Stupid Chem SPA, I wrote all in pencil, and there's oral tomorrow, hope it will be okay and I will not get too nervous.

Back to Black.

2011-09-19T21:25:00.001+08:00

We only said goodbye with words, I died a hundred times.

Short post from my dad's iPhone :) Just finished dinner and woke up way later than what I had expected.

Again -__-

Today I overslept in the morning, and was almost late for school :O

Failed another math test...3rd test in this semester or 3rd test in this term, I forgot :/ I think is semester. Okay this shall be the last test that I fail in this year! TRY TO.

Chem SPA tomorrow! And my oral is on Thursday, still have time to practise :) I'm afraid that I will forget to do something during the exam :O or that I don't know how to calculate the stuff needed.

I really feel people shouldn't say what they don't really mean, takes away the significance of certain things.

DANCING WITH ZAIQIN TODAY, DAMN EPIC (Y) There was this dancesports thing in the hall, then the SLs were sabo-ed to lead the dance. After learning the steps, three pairs were chosen then Zaiqin and I were one of them xD so funny!

Taiwan trip and Cambodia trip! :) awesome to be traveling to two new and different countries this year (Y) plus maybe can see Ching xD

My friends are funny people, I like them. :o)

Ambivalence.

2011-09-18T00:58:00.000+08:00

Ambivalence is a word that I learnt in P6, somehow it has left a deep impression in my mind.

Had Chemistry lesson early in the morning, from 8am to 10am, luckily Papa drove me to school otherwise I would be late. I reached early instead xD The lesson was quite fulfilling, because I FINALLY understand how to do some questions on the mole concept.

Now thinking about the Chemistry SPA and English oral on Tuesday, feeling nervous :/
English is no longer my best subject in terms of marks, but I still like it a lot, so I definitely want to do well in it. Chemistry SPA is 30% of our O Level marks, so if I will do well there, it will be a lifesaver if I suck in my paper.

So, fingers crossed that I will be able to do well for both of these tests.

Next week is packed full of tests, everyday there's a test xO

Monday: Chinese. Not so major, just have to memorise all the chengyu.
Tuesday: Chem SPA and oral. Mentioned above.
Wednesday: Physics test. Heard that it's damn hard, shouldn't have high expectations for this one, plus I don't really understand the topic :/
Thursday: Maths test = DIE.
Friday: Chemistry, Periodic Table. I think this one still can do well if I really study. I should do well and pull up my CA2 marks!

TESTS T__T

SRR meeting today was okay, the most epic part was Sharon getting tricked by us, HAHA.

Nice food (Y) It was my lunch.

Went home, plopped onto bed and slept for 3 hours.

Dinner at McDonald's with my whole family FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE :O
Epic moment!

We were there because we were meeting our relatives to discuss the trip to Taiwan, it seems that it will be cold there, so exciting! :D

Tons of revision to do, yet I feel like sleeping -__-
Even the cats are falling asleep.

Lemon honey tea to the rescue :)

I think everyone's smile is mesmerizing x)

背叛.

2011-09-17T00:10:00.000+08:00

I overslept again -___-
I was supposed to wake up at 9 to do homework, but now it's 12am and I just woke up.
Couldn't even hear the alarm ringing, my sister had to switch it off for me >:O
I don't know why this always happens, am I always in a very deep sleep?

T__T Feel so anxious over the exams now.
I'm slowly losing confidence and motivation to at least pass maths, I just suck at maths.
Anything but maths :(

The first time I wish I didn't try that hard.

>______<
Uneasy.

Valerie.

2011-09-16T20:32:00.001+08:00

Nice guys finish last, that's why I'll treat you like trash~

Nah, I'm just kidding, but Nice Guys is a nice comedy song :)

HAPPY 88TH BIRTHDAY MR LEE KUAN YEW! May you live long, hehe :)

Today was a pretty okay day? Champions' Day, didn't know why I felt nervous before taking my plaque. And felt proud too :) Proud of our GWH, even though it's been a few months, but we still made choir history and Xinmin history! :)

Champions' Day was boring, because it was like 2 hours of clapping hands and cheering...but still have to tolerate it since everyone deserves their awards, though I do agree that at the end before Mrs Ong's speech, the noises and jeering were unnecessary :/

After that went to Hougang Mall with Khasim and Claire to buy his present xD Bought him a wallet so that his coins won't keep dropping out haha, I love imitating the way he says "SUCKS!" xD Damn funny, that nasal voice.

Khasim said that he wanted to have a crush on a girl because he does not have one xD The first time that I have heard someone say that they want to have a crush on someone -__-
It can be painful and sad, as well as make you happy lol, primary school experiences xD

But we were still young, and still are, so who are we to talk about love -__-

Ate quite a lot at DessertStory, so much food, and I am so fat :(

I think we should stop running away from the problems, no matter how much we hate to talk about it. Maybe it's true that we are the cause of the problem, but not fully our fault.

Partly :/

Tomorrow there's SRR meeting and chemistry lesson, hope they go well x)

2 more weeks to exams omg, my results are seriously varied. From 5A1s to one F9 -___- Chemistry.

I shall go nap a while till 9, and study till...1?

Fell asleep during Physics today and Mrs Peh scolded me -___- Argh, was damn sleepy, can't stand it. I don't understand the chapter on light.

Causing me so much uncertainty and confusion :(

STAY POSITIVE.

Make no regrets.

2011-09-14T21:56:00.000+08:00

Sighhhhhhh.
Actually today was an okay day but something ruined it.

Myself :(
I'm damn disappointed with myself, again.
There was another blog post that I said I would try not to put up a false front.

Well, I did it again, unknowingly.
Why am I trying so hard to be funny and to impress others?
Why am I so concerned about people's comments?

Why :/

Stoned all the way at dinner, all the way home, and still stoning.

Spent like almost 2 hours alone in the library reading Chicken Soup For The Teenage Soul: Taking on Tough Challenges (or something like that) and Lonely Planet guides LOL.

Although the stories inside the Chicken Soup were the typical stories that come from America, we still share the same challenges and values to be learnt. So I thought it was pretty worth it to read those 101 stories for an hour.

I read the Lonely Planet guide because I might be going to Taiwan this year end (Y)

I'll be damn packed during the holidays.
From 24th to 29th is the Cambodia trip, 1st to 3rd is the SLB camp and 19th to don't know what date is the Taiwan trip with my relatives. So cool.

Can you imagine yourself getting married?

I can't, cannot imagine spending times with only one person.
Now, even when I'm alone with one of my good friends whether it's a guy/girl, I'll still feel a little awkward :/ trying too hard to impress again?

I'll obviously have to be damn comfortable being around the person I marry lol, that is if I ever xD

But for now, let's not think about marriage and stuff x)

EOYS oh my god;

雨不停落下来, 花怎么都不开?

2011-09-13T22:05:00.000+08:00

Happiness, hit her like a train on a track.

The title is totally random xD
Totally screwed up my Maths test today, well, shouldn't expect too much since I didn't study much/work very hard for it :/ Fell asleep from 8pm to 5.30am :O 10 hours of sleep, yet I fell asleep in class today.

So weird.

Anyways, went to Claire's house today to pass her the homework from the lessons she had missed. AND JOYCE IS SO EPIC WITH HER AUTOMATIC FACEPALMS xD Whenever someone says the word 'facepalm' she will somehow automatically facepalm herself -___-

I didn't know people like that existed xD

Hm, nothing much to update.

Mrs Lee caught me for my fringe today, saying that I had to pin up to be a good role model for the students. LOL, once I started tying my hair up, then she caught for my fringe immediately xO Nevermind, I shall play hide and seek with her until I find a solution xD

Actually wanted to pin up my fringe for the rest of the day, then people started saying I looked weird/freaky/'cute'.

By 'cute' they probably tried to say something else but was just covering it up. Maybe I'm thinking too much but, sigh, I am so easily affected by other people's comments :/ Why, lol. I just watched the latest video about confidence from Kevjumba. Then he said, why should we care about other people's opinions? We should just do what we want.

But it's too hard, so hard to ignore comments, especially when I take all these comments seriously.

So in the end, I put down my fringe.

It's just a simple matter of hair, but a complicated issue of self-confidence.

Happiness, hit her like a bullet in the face.

Just around the riverbend.

2011-09-11T16:25:00.000+08:00

690! What a wrong number -__-

It's my 690th post, can't believe I have so many posts *_* But it's over a span of like 3 years, so if I calculate, it isn't a lot actually.

Yesterday I slept at 4plus AM :O Was doing the math practices in the textbook, CHAPTER 6 which is TRIGONOMETRY.
I only like the proving part, the ones which ask me to solve for x, I'm confused.
Need to ask people tomorrow to teach me.

Tomorrow is PTM, which is also carwashing day for those going to Cambodia, lol, so funny x)

And now I have morning duty everyday xO I think I need to wake up at 5.30am.

Going for dinner with cousins later, don't know whether to feel excited or sian.
Just not in the mood to talk to people now xO

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY BROTHER! :)

To be safe, we lose our chance of ever knowing what's around the riverbend.

Stab in the back.

2011-09-10T14:32:00.000+08:00

So now I know why she's constantly in a bad mood.

The first things I heard when I woke up this morning:

我在这个家里很sian.
我看到你们我就觉得很sian.
我都不想看到你们.

Her words were like a stab in the back - unexpected, hurting, disappointing.

So, she's sick of seeing her children.
Thanks mom, now I know you don't even love or like us anymore.

It really is hurting and disappointing.
All that I've been fighting for, is coming to nothing.

So when she feels 'entertained' by us, like when we get good results then she will not feel sian.
If not, she'll go into a bad mood and give some shitty attitude towards us.

I really feel like shouting back at her, oh gosh.

:(

I learnt to live half alive.

2011-09-10T01:00:00.000+08:00

Sing it for the boys, sing it for the girls
Every time that you lose it sing it for the world
Sing it from the heart
Sing it till you're nuts
Singing out for the ones that'll hate your guts
Sing it for the deaf
Sing it for the blind
Sing about everyone that you left behind
Sing it for the world, sing it for the world
You've got to see what tomorrow brings
Sing it for the world
Sing it for the world
Girl, you've got to be what tomorrow needs.

Those lyrics above are really meaningful.

Was late for choir today because I overslept -__-
Slept till around 10.30am, I was still wondering how come I woke up feeling so refreshed. Then I looked at my phone, and was like, shit 10.30am already.

Rushed out of the house and reached choir at 11plus haha, now everyone knows that the reason why I was late.

Claire and a few others said I looked like I was falling asleep, because my eyes were so small. I'll talk about that later.

Choir was fun again :) though sectionals were seriously screwed up xO
Then outing was hilarious, everyone is so joke.
So fun! Should have more of comm. outings (Y)
Halfway through, I left to go to the filming of Hello and Ring Ding Dong for the Mnet channel or something :/ I'm not a fan of any K-pop group, so yeah I'm not sure.

So I learnt the chorus of Ring Ding Dong in like 5 minutes -__- during the filming, I was anyhow dancing hahaha, people of Korea are going to watch it.

-facepalm-

After that went to Marina Barrage, where the rest of the committee members were.
That place is awesome (Y)
Ate dinner at Texas Chicken or something, can't remember xD
Actually wanted to buy family meal but we had no money :(

Claire, Khasim and I were like comparing mouth sizes, so funny xD
Kok Yuan went crazy over his Japanese food and melon bread -__-

Stephanie from choir asked me why my eyes were so puffy during choir.
Then I said it was nothing much.
I guess I kind of broke down yesterday :(

I was studying and reading my newspapers at around 2am yesterday when my mother came in and shouted at me to switch off the lights because she said I was wasting electricity.

Then after that I don't know why I was so easily affected by that :/
Usually I would just be pissed off then go to sleep, but I immediately started crying after she shouted at me. I cried so hard while trying to sleep, yet I couldn't make any sound because my sister was sleeping.

I think it's because I felt hurt. I was trying to study to get good results which would in the end please my parents and maybe make my mother have a better mood, but yet she scolded me for studying, what the hell?

If I don't study at night, I don't even have time to study in the afternoons, all so packed.

Just now my sister nagged at me again, then I was annoyed -__-

Sigh.

I really think they don't understand how tough school is, compared to their studying days.

Journey to the past.

2011-09-07T22:36:00.000+08:00

Our performance today was fun, even though I was feeling nervous before that. Afraid that my voice would break halfway while singing due to nervousness or that I would forget the lyrics xD But I didn't in the end, and had a lot of fun! :) These kind of things can be surprisingly entertaining, performing in front of people.

Choir today was kind of fun, because we went through all the musicals that we've learnt so far, the songs are really meaningful and nice to hear. I bet everyone's falling in love with them :)

Lessons yesterday, had chemistry and math. Failed the test that I was expecting to fail :( Aw. But I really didn't study much for that one so I have nothing else to blame but myself. Shall try harder next time. Consolation: I didn't fail by a lot, so yeah :)

I can't believe some people are that cunning and still be able to cover it up with a smile, wow.
It's make or break time, 3 more weeks to the EOYs, totally not prepared.

Journey To The Past is an awesome song.
Home, love, family.

GLEE FINALE NOW I WILL GO WATCH (Y)

Heart, don't fail me now; Courage, don't desert me.

Life rules.

2011-09-04T22:53:00.000+08:00

But I set fire to the rain,
Watched it pour as I touched your face,
Well, it burned while I cried
'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name.
-Set Fire To The Rain

That's a really nice song :)
AND I FOUND OUT SOMETHING SHOCKING TODAY,
hope that there will be a wedding like a year from now on? *crosses fingers*

Math revision is coming along slowly, but surely :)
I think I completed 2 chapters today, starting from elementary math.

I'm like going out a lot during the September holidays, later my parents think I'm out rioting or something -__-

Think I'm keeping long hair? Or at least trying it out after 6 years of short hair xD
Now I think my short hair makes my face look big than actually trying to cover my round face haha.

There's this news article from the NewPaper today that I find pretty encouraging. Shall keep in in my file with the David Choi one :)

It's actually a list of rules to follow or something.

One rule is, don't wallow in self-pity or at least don't stay in that state for too long.

Yep, so I should do that and also stop feeling inferior to others, and complaining about it.
Otherwise I bet people will get annoying and stop being my friend haha.

Chasing pavements.

2011-09-02T21:05:00.000+08:00

Two times, she sent me messages.
Two times, I teared up.
Both times, I really felt that she understood how I was feeling when I thought nobody could.

It's the first time that anyone made me cry by just reading a text message.

But it's obviously not the sad kind of crying, just touched.
Touched and a sense of relief that someone understands :)

Thank you Joyce :)

Although it is hard, I will try my hardest not to feel inferior to anyone, or to compare myself to others unnecessarily.

No one can make me feel inferior unless I feel inferior first.

When an individual is kept in a situation of inferiority, the fact is that he does become inferior.
-Simone de Beauvoir

Anyway, I have almost finished packing my files.
2/3 of my tasks today are complete :)
The last thing to do is to actually write notes for one of my humanities subject or to start revising math.

I think I will do math because after doing all the quizzes, I realised that I am pretty much clueless about math and I'm feeling panicky.

1 more month to the exams :O

Fall deeper, greater pain.

Lost sight, couldn't see.

2011-09-02T14:20:00.000+08:00

Woke up at 1pm, and immediately felt a sense of unexplained dejected-ness? There's no such word, but also no other way to describe it.

Grey skies, in my vision once I sat up on my bed. Not a very nice to way to start the day.

Shall do the 6 math quizzes that due today at 11pm :/

Blow the candles out, looks like a solo tonight.

Set fire to the rain.

2011-09-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

After 'big'/important events, I always have negative feelings instead of positive ones, it seriously ALWAYS turns out like that. I wish I could go home thinking of all the happy memories instead of regretting and dwelling on what I did and what I said.

Why did I even try to be someone I am not? Saying all those things, pretending to do things, being who I am not. I'm just trying to please others and make them laugh, instead of making myself happy and actually enjoying it.

Is sacrificing your happiness for the happiness of others counted as selfish or not being true to yourself?

I think there's a very fine line between the two options.

I'm disappointed in myself, for not doing what was right, for not being myself, for faking what I did and said.

Am I trying too hard to impress and to leave a good impression on people?

But the dance today was good and met up with 6P people today, which was quite fun :)
That was when I was really myself.

Disappointment, to sum up this whole post.

I hate feeling and typing so many of these kind of posts, but it's worse if I keep it in.

Another step.

2011-08-31T22:59:00.000+08:00

Woah, so tired that I feel like sleeping right now.
I should sleep by 11.30pm because I have to wake up at like 5.30am?
Only had 4 hours of sleep yesterday, and today had PE plus rehearsal till 9pm.

DEAD BEAT TIRED.

The stupid alarm has been ringing for the past half an hour, so noisy!

Ah, today's dance rehearsal was super overrun but then still productive because it was better than the rest of the rehearsals that we had.

Anyway, I shouldn't be jealous because she really has the ability and capability.
People respect her.

Envy should be the word.
I wish I could be like her.

Glee is awesome :)

Jiayou for tomorrow, hope I don't screw up :O

Kite flying days.

2011-08-29T21:44:00.001+08:00

I got the idea for the title from a TV show that I just watched, lol.
Kite flying seems like letting your imagination and creativity fly, but knowing that there is a limit because of reality, so there's that string to hold you back. People always say dream big, but I think we also have to think about reality and its limitations.

Some things are just impossible, I'm not that much of an optimist anymore.

Here's something I wrote a few days ago:

How does it feel to be different from the others? Everyone is different, it's just a matter of how big the difference is. I don't know why I feel pressurized to be the same as everyone. Maybe it's envy, maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's just not wanting to stand out so much. Being different is fine with me but being too different...I'm not that sure. I wish I could feel fine the way I am.

The reasons why I wrote this are too personal to be written here, and because I know that this is a public blog so people will read stuff that I write here. The reasons are slightly embarrassing to mention I guess, even to me, if I were to talk about them to anyone, then I would probably hesitate a lot.

Actually there's one reason I have mentioned on Facebook before. It's because of my height, then a lot of people came back saying that I should be grateful for my height and so on. For a guy maybe it's okay to be tall, because by the time you grow up, EVERYONE is tall.

But for me, I always stick out among the girls, just because I'm tall lol. It's like this whole group of girls laughing, talking then suddenly this head pops out. Kind of awkward sometimes :/
Sometimes I feel like I don't fit in, I feel like I fit in more with guys -__-

Another issue is being called fat. I thought about this because there was one day Kha Sim called me fat. I knew he was joking about it then I just laughed it off. Then he asked me a question, "Don't you feel hurt when people call you fat?" He said that he did feel hurt when people call him fat.

For me, I guess I'm used to it. Whether people really mean it or they are just joking, I'm too used to being called fat. When I was young, my nickname was fatty lol xO Now because I have grown vertically, then I look like I have lost weight.

Whenever those 'skinny/slim' people say that they are fat, I'd be like WHAT and giving that -__- face because they make me feel much worse than I actually am.

Living in a society where looks are almost everything, it's hard surviving.

So yes, those are two reasons why I feel so different and awkward around people sometimes.

The rest are not to be disclosed :)

You know I can't take one more step towards you,
Because all that's waiting is regret.

Pure anger.

2011-08-25T21:47:00.001+08:00

Damn, I got angry.
I got angry and I walked off.
Was that a right thing to do?

I was truly pissed this morning, to the point that I wanted to really shout at him.
Lol, by now it should be quite obvious who this person is, especially those who are closer to me.

Let's just refer to him as FA which means fatass. I'm not being sizist, if there is such a word. But, this is the first time in my 15 years I have actually snapped at someone right in the face and then walked off.

All the troubles he has caused to me, the teachers and people in the school has been problematic.
I really think he is a damn good actor.
I applaud him for that, how he sucks up to teachers and being a hypocrite.

Maybe I'm being mean, but he has been mean to far too many people and now he is in deep shit.
Now I'm not even talking to him and ignoring him, unless I have no choice. I really am disgusted and disdained by all of his actions.

Anyways, got back my Physics test, didn't get the full marks I wanted, but still close. 29/30.

Bad news. I failed my chemistry which was expected but I'm one of the lowest in class. 14/40. Sigh.

Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change.
--James Russell Lowell

Steady as a beating drum.

2011-08-24T21:25:00.000+08:00

On this day of your life, HuixinHooixin, we believe God wants you to know ... that difficult people are very important, - they teach you tolerance and acceptance.

If all was going your way all the time, you would become a spoiled child, wouldn't everyone? Difficult people are just one of the ways God teaches us to expand beyond our egos and accept other perspectives on life.

Aye, wanted to type a really long and naggy post about stuff but I feel like sleeping already.
Flu and sore throat are taking over xO

I really don't know what to do about that matter, this is one of the rare times that I actually want help and I really need it badly.

Usually when people offer me help I will turn their offer down because I would feel so dumb, like I need assistance from other people. Now I want help.

Maybe like what the text on top said, difficult people are there to make me stronger and be more open to more perspectives. I will think through the problem during the September holidays and see what I can do.

They are not in my shoes, it's hard for them to tell me what to do because they don't understand. I'm damn sick and tired of dealing with the problems that crop up daily.

But really, expecting me to give everything there, is close to impossible.
It's not like I have no commitments or anything.
They really don't understand.

But,
I won't give up so easily.
I'll show them I can do it.

I think I'm getting back Physics test tomorrow, hope I can get full marks or at least 28 *crosses fingers*

I want to ace the exams.

Turn my sorrow into treasured gold.

2011-08-23T20:06:00.000+08:00

Just saw a post on Stomp about our school students fighting, lol how lame is that person to put the picture -__- Early teacher's day gift huh? Obviously he/she took the photo to ruin our school's image. Brainless.

My cheque bounced back :( Luckily my dad offered to help me to give the cheque directly to the suppliers :)

Anyways, got back 2 tests today, geography and Chinese.
I'm happy with geography and somewhat neutral for Chinese.
I thought that I could've done better for Chinese but considering a lot of people didn't do so well, I guess I'm already very lucky so I should be grateful for that.

Today feels weird, I don't know why.

My chemistry test and maths test are screwed nooooooooooooo :(
Going to fail really badly.

Just woke up from sleep and dinner (Y) Hope I can fall asleep later :/

HOMEWORK TIME, EVERYDAY IS HOMEWORK HOMEWORK HOMEWORK.
Sometimes I think I'm getting sick of this life, and feel like throwing it away and don't care about my studies.
But I am too kiasu to do that, and too much of a worrywart too -_-

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?

Now you know what it takes.

2011-08-22T19:36:00.000+08:00

I feel pressurized when I hang out with people from the triple sciences classes.
They are all so super muggers and so smart, they make me wonder why I am even in this school.
Maybe because my class is not that competitive and hence I don't feel stressed in class, but when compared to the triple sciences classes, it gives me a sense of urgency :O

I feel so slack, and so dumb around them sometimes :(
They seem to understand everything, especially maths and science and practically own me in almost everything.

I feel kind of indignant, because I used to be around the same standards as them, now I have slid off so badly. I don't know if I have the potential to get back to the same level as them, even if I do work very so damn hard :/

Enough of emo stuff, I'm just glad I have friends to be there for me :)
And family too :)

Aye, actually could've went home early and slept, but had choir meeting instead. The homework before that was pretty productive?

Anyways, shall start doing notes/preparation for the exams, STARTING FROM TODAY! :)
6 more weeks!

Distracted.

2011-08-21T14:05:00.000+08:00

I can't study right now, when I have two tests tomorrow :/
Somehow I suddenly don't understand things that are so easy -__-
Aw man, I think I need to switch my laptop off and stop being so distracted.

70 percent is not going to come if I stay like that, come on, don't procrastinate!
Frustrated >:O

The remaining terms I shall set a maximum limit of 3 tests to fail?
And cannot fail in any subject except Chemistry and Math because these two are my weakest subjects now.

I need to finish Math revision and Chinese.

Alright, let's go.

2011-08-19T20:43:00.000+08:00

You wanna be, a loser like me :)
Haha I like Loser Like Me from Glee, the lyrics are encouraging.
I'm seriously wondering if he is making things difficult for me on purpose :/
Well, see how first.

My mom seems to be in a better and better mood everyday :)
YAY :o)
I'm happy, but today I fell down hard on some rough concrete path :(
So now my knees and palms are covered with plasters to prevent the wounds from getting infected.
But I think my hand wound is already infected, a stone got in just now and I had to burst the blister to get it out.
And many germs while holding handles on the bus :O

Tomorrow is the chinese prelims, haven't started studying.
Hm, I shall start at 9.15? And study till 11.45.
2 and a half hours should be enough.

I just have to memorise the basic formats for the letter writing and then read through different examples (Y)

Jiayou!!! :)

Fell asleep in Chinese class today, and Zhang lao shi called me after that T_T But I could answer her question, luckily :)

I shall try to stop making fun of people's most sensitive issues...even though it's like my favourite hobby.

Be kind.

2011-08-18T21:36:00.000+08:00

Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a tough battle.

This quote inspires me to try my best to be nice to everyone, even if I don't like the person/faking it because at least the person THINKS I am being nice and won't feel irritated/annoyed/angry/confused etc whatever feelings.

I definitely believe that everyone leads a life full of obstacles, without obstacles it wouldn't be called life. So we shouldn't make anyone else's life more miserable right? :)

I don't know if he's trying to make me feel like I'm inferior and not doing anything, or he's just trying to inform me of things. I honestly don't know.

Aye almost everyday is a funny day, and I haven't fell asleep in class for the whole week (Y)
ACCOMPLISHMENT.

Today seeing people take their O Level results was pretty scary and exciting, even for me. The way they screamed when someone got a good result, or how there was a sudden hush when someone didn't do so well, so dramatic :O Made me feel a little nervous about how I will do in the future.

English oral is coming up *_* Picture discussion omg.

I have decided to go to JC! Most probably :)

Hope tomorrow will be a solution :o)

Skyscraper.

2011-08-17T22:25:00.000+08:00

You can take everything I have,
You can break everything I am.
Like I'm made of glass,
Like I'm made of paper, Oh
Go on and try to tear me down,
I will be rising from the ground.

The feeling of being inferior has got to be one of the worst feelings in the world.
Someone asked me a question today, and it actually managed to make me feel sad or rather, uneasy for a while. Usually I don't really care about these kind of questions but this made me fumble :(

BUT WHATEVER, decided to use it as motivation instead!
Just like how my father has set a passing grade for me for the EOYs, which is an overall percentage of 70% D:
So high, but I think I can do it, as long as I don't waste time and study hard (Y)

Epic fun after choir, and epic scary too LOL.

I hope Friday will solve most of the problems that we have currently :)

慧欣加油! :o)

Today is a good day :)

2011-08-16T21:31:00.000+08:00

Today seems to be a generally positive day :)
Hm I should be studying Physics now but then I slept for a long time just now xD
Okay shall study later.

I'm surprised with my Chinese test results, pleasantly surprised! :)
I must get an overall percentage of 70% to go to Cambodia, meh.
My results now, I can at most get 65%, the midyears I barely passed 59%.

And so is my maths! Yay.

Okay enough of statistics.

Home is getting better now :)

Don't know what I want.

2011-08-15T21:36:00.000+08:00

For the first time in my life,
I honestly think that I regret meeting some people.
People whom I really don't want to be friends with, whom I don't want to be associated with.
I've never really hated anyone before but now I think I do :/

First meet-up with my Cambodia group today. It was okay but still pretty awkward with those whom I don't really know. I'm sure it will get better as we meet up more and wash cars together :)

Chinese test was easy, however I don't know how I will do.
HISTORY IS ALMOST SCREWED, think I will just pass it.

Next test: Physics! People say that it is easy, so I must try to ace it.
Otherwise I cannot go to Cambodia :(
Oh yeah, I talked to my father about going to Cambodia already.
He seems to be sitting on the fence, but one criteria is that I have to get good results before I can go T_T

Nevermind, good motivation for me :)

It is a miracle how I managed to survive on 4 1/2 hours of sleep without feeling sleepy at school. So weird.

Tomorrow will be physics mugging day, I sound like some kind of studying freak.

Home.

Weightless.

2011-08-14T13:32:00.001+08:00

670.

And I better get started on my history memorising, got frustrated yesterday that I couldn't remember most of the content after 5 hours of studying.
Compared to chinese, which I finished studying in like 30 minutes -__-
Okay but obviously chinese is easier to remember, so yeah.

I tried to be nice, and let her do almost everything, but in the end it looked as if I was being used.
I never wanted for it to be viewed this way, I just wanted to involve her into the process so that she wouldn't be left out.
But now, seems like I'm just an assistant :/

Like what my brother says, this family is ruined.
Well, almost.
At least I'm not alone in this, I still have my siblings with me.
Thank God I am not an only child.
And thank God for my grandparents and friends.

But sometimes it still feels like I'm fighting this battle alone.
Because everyone has their own feelings, and so do I.
I feel sad, hurt, confused.
I don't know how my siblings feel, mostly irritated I guess.

Then my father is getting pissed off.
When he's pissed off it isn't a good thing.

I think the only thing to motivate me now is my studies and tests.
To get good results, or at least put in effort to do that.

Should friendships be defined by secrets?
It'd be kind of sad if they were.

I wish I could stay at my grandparents' house for now.

Stay positive, people tell me.
So am I supposed to say that I will get through this with a smile on my face or at least fake one when I go to school and all that shit?

No, I'm not as strong as those people.
I get into bad moods, I cannot keep a smile when I really can't feel that way.

Be grateful for what you have, some tell me.
So I say that I'm grateful that my mother is going through some kind of depression, I'm grateful for my father being constantly annoyed, I'm grateful for my mom not talking to me?

I'd be a screwed up person if I really feel that way -__-

Letting go is better than holding on hopelessly.

2011-08-12T22:26:00.000+08:00

YAY DAVID CHOI SAW THE CARD THAT MY SISTER AND I MADE OF HIM :o)
Maybe he didn't read it but at least he saw it and didn't dump it into one corner.
That's one happy thing for today :)

God, make me a rainbow and shine down on my mother.
I know she's safe with you when she's under my colours.

This is from If I Die Young.
Even though I'm not dead yet, but still, I hope my mother can be happier and talk more to me of her own accord. We've become so distant, I miss the times when I could just talk to her about random TV shows or about what happened at school. Now she just gives me a blank face whenever I talk to her.

I really miss the old her.

Choir today was okay, although I felt that everyone wasn't putting in their best efforts.
I hope we can find a day to really talk things out, and not hide anymore. So that we can put incidents and misunderstandings behind us to work for a greater goal, and not destroy ourselves with deceit and lies.

4 tests next week, 7 more weeks to EOYs, and probably like a year more to O-Levels.
:/

It's kind of sad seeing people giving so much to others, yet they receive scoldings/annoyed faces in response. Not being appreciative.

And I haven't asked my parents about the Cambodia trip when the school has already sort of confirmed that I am going. Uh oh. Was planning to ask one of them today but both are in bad moods...so yeah :|

I wonder how, I wonder why.

Thoughts that take your breath away.

2011-08-11T20:26:00.000+08:00

I had a thought that took my breath away today.
It wasn't those kind of amazing or inspiring thoughts but instead it was a more morbid and serious thought.
I was looking outside of the bus today on my way home, and in Hougang I usually see a lot of old people who are either really old but still going to the supermarkets and buying heavy stuff or mentally-challenged senior citizens.

I wondered if that would happen to me when I grow old, or if I even have the chance to grow old.
It is a privilege to grow old and I agree with that.
I never realised I was holding my breath while I was imagining what would happen until the ring of the bus stopping alarm distracted me.

Then, I let go of my breath. I have never experienced something like that before, to think of something so deeply. The old man carrying the supermarket plastic bags reminded me of my grandfather who used to do that too.

I wonder when I grow old, would I be supporting myself? Or turning mentally-challenged until dementia erases every single memory in my life? I don't want that to happen.

Anyways, today Zai Qin said something that also made me think. She said, why can't there be happiness pills, where you eat them and you will be happy.

That seems like a good idea in this depressed world, where everyone seems to fall into a pit of darkness at some points of their life. But IF there really were happiness pills, wouldn't happiness become artificial, and no longer a heartfelt feeling?

We would just eat the pills whenever we want, no setbacks to motivate us, and just pure happiness to disguise the true feelings inside. I think it is just escaping from reality, all these pills.

Geography test today is screwed :/ I wrote rubbish for almost everything.
4 hours of sleep wasn't going to keep me alert and awake, felt like someone was strangling my brain.
But at least tonight I can sleep easily :)

4 tests next week, jiayou Huixin! :)

Holding on to what I haven't got, a big mistake.

Burnt.

2011-08-09T23:20:00.000+08:00

Feels weird typing on the keyboard of a Macbook, making so many typos xO
I haven't started on Geography oh no.
I wish there were pills that made you forget specific things, things that are not good memories.
Watching Dreamgirls now, pretty good show :)

I felt emotional during the parade just now lol, I don't know why.
Just seeing LKY's face, seem so wise yet so old and tired, made me feel like crying haha.
Feel very appreciative towards him, even though he won't read this, for everything he has done.
When he is gone, Singapore will have a great loss, seriously.

Anyways, I think this year's parade was awesome :)
I liked how they made it into a musical, so that people can catch what they are doing.
Otherwise most of the time it is quite confusing :/
In A Heartbeat is a emotional song, when coupled with touching images.

Happy 46th Birthday Singapore, stay strong and sunny! :o)

Bury me in satin.

2011-08-08T21:58:00.000+08:00

Cross-country was killer, 3.15km of pure torture xO
The process was hard and tough, but luckily I could finish before 28 minutes :)
I have reached my target, yay.
After that went to Tosy's house to bathe, damn tired and almost fell asleep...

Haha in the morning it was damn epic.
Zaiqin, Joey, me and Serena, Evonne were already late so we were panicking for the bus, hahahaha.

Then 204 mini-gathering was fun, elaborate more next time...should I do my homework or sleep first? :)

I'd rather rage then sit around all day.

2011-08-06T23:11:00.000+08:00

I feel weird.
I don't know how I should feel about things.
And I haven't started on homework T_T Super procrastinator.

Should I go to JC or to polytechnic? :/